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Do you have a question for Mr. Romance? Click the Button above to submit a question of your own.
Do you have a question for Mr. Romance? Click the Button above to submit a question of your own.
Do you have a question for Mr. Romance? Click the Button above to submit a question of your own.
Do you have a question for Mr. Romance? Click the Button above to submit a question of your own.
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Welcome to Tony’s monthly romance column, Dear Mr. Romance. Where Tony Ranaudo, Mr. Romance himself, will share his advice on Love and Romance. Each month he will choose the most creative letters and answer them. Tony is not a therapist or psychologist of any kind, nor does he hold a degree from any major University. Tony’s advice merely reflects his own life’s experience. Please feel free to share any thoughts you might have. Enjoy!
E-Mail your
Questions to: DearMrRomance@tonyranaudo.com Before
I start my letter....Mr. Romance, how do I get to go out with you!
:-D Dear
Stuck in Neutral, First
off I must say you are very sweet, thank you for the offer but it appears
as though you like younger men.
J Now
let’s get to your question.
I think it’s important for you to look inside yourself for this
answer. Everything
in the universe is relative, right?
How serious were you when you were 25? How
serious are you now at 37?
I think if you compare these scenarios you will be able to put
yourself in your mates shoes.
If he is hesitant, then this is an unnatural choice for him.
Allow him to be free and make his own decision.
Though I would suggest a time frame, as you are equally as
important here. Do
not put your own life into limbo while you wait.
This will only create frustration and friction in your
relationship. Now
if you are happy in your present situation, do not do anything, okay?
Just enjoy! But
if you feel change in this relationship is important to you, then I
suggest now is better than later.
Life is short. Enjoy what you can.
Change is uncomfortable, but it often brings greater things. Sincerely,
Mr. Romance Dear Mr. Romance, Desperately Devoted Dear Desperately Devoted, Your
fear of rejection is what is holding you back from the truth that could
set you free. You may or may
not receive the reciprocation you seek, but as of now you are living in
the “unknown zone”,
which leaves you to only speculate on the outcome of this scenario. You
are happier not knowing anything, because then this dream is still very
much alive in your imagination. On
the other hand this uncertainty is tormenting your soul. He
sounds like a really great guy. If
he were only half of what you say he is, there is no way your honesty
would have a negative affect on your friendship.
Your description paints a picture of a compassionate man that would
only accept your honesty as a gift. I
think it might take your friendship to a new level, an honest one. You
seem to be extremely preoccupied with these thoughts.
It only makes sense to attempt a jump of faith.
The outcome is uncertain, yes, but you owe it to yourself to seek
the truth and free your soul. Best of luck, Mr. Romance Dear Mr. Romance:
Dear
Southern Belle, Congratulations!!!
21 years wow!!
That’s awesome! So
you’re looking for a romantic surprise.
Very interesting my little southern belle.
But here is the thing; men and women have a different idea of a
romantic surprise. Women
love flowers, candy, a candle lit dinner, bath beads, and some Kenny G.
Men on the other hand wouldn’t mind a brand new Holly 4 barrel
carburetor, with double step down leg boosters, a new set of Low Profile
Pirelli tires, a Big Screen Television or even a new set of golf clubs.
Us guys are a little strange. I apologize for that.
J Being
that it is your anniversary, I would recommend something along the lines
of your honeymoon. Depending
on your budget, maybe a weekend getaway, or even one night in a nice local
Hotel. Do a
little room service.
Go to the hot tub with a bowl of strawberries and a bottle of
champagne. Just
relax and enjoy each other’s company.
Change of environment is always stimulating.
Go into it with no expectations as well.
Leave room in there for some spontaneous activity, and you will be
surprised with the results. Sincerely,
Mr. Romance Dear
Mr. Romance,
Dear
Western Channel Widow, How
long you have been retired and in Florida?
The reason I ask is that this may be a phase he is going through.
Your husband’s idea of retirement, at this time, is to sit down
and relax, and there is nothing wrong with that.
It’s not the best thing for him to be doing, but never the less
this activity appears to be pleasing him.
Now
if you would like your husband to join you in your adventures, I would
recommend seeking out new activities for yourself, and finding some new
friends in the area to do these things with.
It’s really a matter of leading by example.
Eventually your husband will be seeking some other form of
entertainment, and you will be there with some of your new experiences to
share. Now
if that doesn’t work, call the cable company and close your account. Put
a collar and leash around his neck and take him to the park for a good
run.
Good luck!
Sincerely,
Mr. Romance Dear
Mr. Romance,
Dear
Breathless, Wow!!
You must be doing wonders on this guy.
Two weeks could actually be a record. Not to mention you may need
to let my readers in on some of your little secrets.
On
a serious note I will say, “YES”, it is possible.
I am a believer in love at first site.
If your energy together feels magical, whatever you do, do not
question it. You have
received a gift. Enjoy every
moment. Many people go their
whole lives and never feel that magic. Now marriage is another step completely. Remember there is no rush. Take your time and develop a true friendship with this man. The sex part is great, there is no doubt about that, but it will not be the key to longevity in your relationship. Marriage is not only a legal commitment but also a personal commitment to another human being. Do not take this step lightly. If and when it feels right, then cross the threshold. Sincerely,
Mr. Romance Dear
Mr. Romance, Dear Joey,
Congratulations
on your recent marriage!!
Is
this normal? Joey,
let me tell ya something.
Get used to it, and be as creative as possible.
Till death do you part is a long time.
On
a serious note, all normal men do this.
As do all normal women.
Your fantasies could just be manifesting themselves from some form
of post marital stress. By getting married you have tied up your ship, and
it won’t be sailing anymore.
But what you have gained is a loving relationship that could last
you a lifetime. That’s
awesome!! You
have entered a new lifestyle.
Relax and enjoy your new surroundings. In time the change will come
to you naturally. Your
fantasies? Just
do not let them affect your reality.
Sincerely,
Mr. Romance Dear Mr. Romance,
Thanks,
Kev
(Soon to be Private Kevin, USMC) Dear
Kev, You
my friend are at a fork in the road.
I would love to tell you a happy story of a man and woman whose
undying love ceased the moment.
It would make a great movie. But back here in reality we have to
face the truth of the matter.
I am an optimist, I think anything is possible, but in this case
the odds are really against ya.
It’s the basic laws of human nature. So
let’s look at this in a different way.
Your life is about to change drastically.
You will be learning new things, traveling to places you may have
never been, meeting people from all over the planet.
Do not limit the frontier that awaits you by anchoring yourself to
an idea. If
she comes with you, it was meant to be.
If she does not, then you will be flying solo on your newest
adventure yet. I
understand you want to be with your girlfriend, you love her. She is one
of your dearest friends.
Losing her friendship would be painful.
But it may be time for both of you to move forward and experience
new things. Change
is never comfortable, but it is an important part of the roller coaster of
life. Change
stimulates growth. Although
sad to lose a friend, what you will gain will be even greater.
Do not fear the unknown.
Reap its rewards.
Sincerely,
Mr. Romance
Dear
Tazzy,
“Am I wrong for telling him no?”
It’s the one thing you are doing right.
You’ve got yourself in a predicament here.
You say you do not love him enough to marry him, but yet you love
him too much to hurt him.
Not to be judgmental, because many of us have been guilty of this
same thing, including myself.
But to be completely honest, you are hurting him right now.
If
you cannot reciprocate his love, then you must free his soul.
We only live once, and if you truly care for this man then you must
allow him to continue his search for true love.
Relatively speaking, yes this will hurt him, but only temporarily.
Imagine waking up in 20 years and discovering that the person you
loved, openly and honestly, never loved you the same way.
Do you think that would hurt? Do
not be selfish Tazzy.
You say he treats you like a queen.
He does that because he loves you.
We shouldn’t Love by convenience, we should love with our
hearts. He is
not a possession he is a human being.
Treat this man, as you would like to be treated.
Put the shoe on the other foot, and I think you will answer your
own question. I
am not advising you to do anything but rethink your present situation.
Set him free with honesty, and allow him to make the best decision
for himself. I
wish you both the best. Sincerely,
Mr. Romance Dear Mr. Romance, My
boyfriend of 2 years wants me to move in with him. I really don't want to for a
few reasons. One he's so sloppy, there are always clothes all
over and dishes lying around. Because it makes me so crazy I find myself
cleaning up whenever I'm over by him. If I move in I think would just
end up cleaning up after him all the time. The second reason is because I
just don't want to get into that kind of relationship right now. I don't
want to give up my place then find out things don't work out with him
and have to find someplace else to live. I tried to ask that we just try
to keep things the way the were but he got upset.
What should I do? I don't want to lose him but I don't feel
comfortable giving up my freedom.
Dear Bev, You
are an intelligent woman. Foresight is key in any situation, and it appears as though
you’ve done your homework here as well.
You seem to have a clear vision of what you want and what you
don’t want, as well as what you would be getting yourself into.
The question is what are you really willing to sacrifice to allow
this relationship to grow, and will that sacrifice continue growth or
stunt it. As
a guy I am all for having separate living space during the dating stage
of a relationship. I am not
sure why he would be pushing this issue. I can only think that he is either considering a proposal,
and wants to test the waters, or possibly he needs more of a commitment
from you to feel confident in the relationship.
What
should you do? Hmmmmmmm
that’s tough. This is
quite a predicament Bev. Like
I said earlier, it boils down to, “what
are you willing to do?” and
what affect will it have on your relationship.
Will it be positive or negative?
If you do not move in, he will be unhappy, if you do, it sounds
to me that you will be unhappy. You
have definitely come to a crossroad.
He is ready for another level, and you are not.
Will you ever be ready for that level with this man?
If so give him a time frame and your problem is solved.
If you are not read on. You
used the term freedom in your letter.
That’s huge. Do you think there is a man out there that will allow you
that freedom? Do you think
there is man out there that you would be willing to sacrifice it for? Now here is the biggie.
Are you brave enough to let go of this relationship and continue
the search for what you really want?
I
am sorry to answer your question with questions of my own.
I just think it’s time for you to make a decision and these are
some things for you to think about.
You’re in the drivers’ seat, so either leave it in neutral
and rev the engine, or put it in drive and go. What
I am saying is, give him 100% or give him freedom. Sincerely, Mr. Romance Dear
Mr. Romance,
Dear
Wondering about Men, Do
I 2nd that?
That's a tough call. The most important issue here is
individuality. Everyone
is different. We
tend to put each other’s gender in a box.
In any given situation this is what men would do, and this is
what women would do.
Which is no way to gauge any one man or woman.
Some guys would stray, and some would not. It is absolutely
impossible to speculate without knowing any of your relationships
characteristics. You
must have your own faith in this relationship so that others cannot
shake your confidence. Only you know how he feels about you, and how you
feel about him. What
I will say for certain is that I would advise you not to listen to your
piers in this matter.
It will only cause you doubt and heartache.
Do you love him?
Does he love you?
You cannot control another person, nor can they control you.
Just love him and feel his love for you.
Isn’t that the best part of the relationship anyway?
Sincerely, Mr. Romance Dear Mr. Romance, Dear Confused, That’s
a very good question. You know I am not sure that there is just one reason for this
change in our social structure. I
think there are many factors besides the obvious, “Men
Just Wanna Get Some”
factor. Because I think
women “Just Wanna Get Some too!” Today
we live in a fast paced society, and everyone is in a rush to do
something or get somewhere. Instant
gratification is the name of the game. We pop pills to solve our problems, we eat fast food because
there isn’t enough time to cook, we put a video in the VCR so that we
can occupy our kids long enough to get more stuff
done.
All we do is do stuff.
What we don’t do is take enough time for something really
important, social interaction. That is why some people go to the shrink, because there is no
one for them to talk to, everyone is out doing stuff.
So they have to pay for someone to listen to their daily
troubles. This same concept
is possibly what is affecting relationships across our country.
“The drive thru relationship.” I
am not sure these men that you speak of are actually just sampling the
wares as you put it. As you
well know Society’s track record is not so good in the relationship
category. The divorce rate
continues to grow exponentially, so it appears as though the casual
relationship is more emotionally friendly in comparison with long-term
relationship that seems to always end in some emotional disaster.
People may be more afraid of failure than commitment itself.
Now I am not saying that you aren’t running into men who just
want sex. Those men do exist. I
am just trying to look at a bigger picture here. Another
possible factor in this equation is your age. You may be dating men who
already have kids, and have been married and divorced a couple of times.
These probably aren’t great candidates for that long-term
relationship you are looking for. These
men are out to enjoy their newfound freedom, and the last thing they
want to do is tie themselves down right away. I
know this doesn’t sound like great news, but men and women do need
each other, that’s a fact. We just have to change our way of thinking
and evolve. Society has
thrown us a curve ball, so stay in the batters box and adjust your
swing. What you desire is
still available. It’s the process that has changed.
Take it slow, and develop a trust.
The man you seek may already be in your life.
Keep your eyes open and set no limits. Sincerely,
Mr. Romance Dear
Mr. Romance, Romantic
Reader in the South Dear
Romantic Reader, I
will start with a cliché, “It’s
a guy thing”.
As men we do not want to be associated with anything that appears
feminine. Well that’s not
exactly true, the only thing we do want in our lives that is feminine is a
wonderful woman. It’s
instinctual for us men to gravitate toward masculine things.
As is a woman’s instinct to gravitate towards nurturing and
caring activities. This is
the balance of life. It’s
perfect. It’s how we were
created. Personally I think
we need to get back to that way of life. If men do not want to read
romance novels it’s fine. If
they do, that’s fine too. How
many women do you see reading Sports Illustrated?
I am sure there are a few, but not many.
It’s all about the information between the covers, and who wants
to access that information. If
men could watch “Monday
Night Football”
or “The
Sound of Music”,
which do you think they would choose?
There is nothing wrong with either of choice.
It’s just a matter of what stimulates your mind.
Men and women are different. We
need to stay that way. That
is why when we are together we compliment each other.
J Sincerely,
Mr. Romance Dear
Mr. Romance, First and foremost I would like to say congratulations to you for winning yet another title to add to your already impressive list, especially one so enticing to all women out there. Hey, even if I never meet Mr. Right, at least I can honestly say I know "Mr. Romance". Well enough ego boosting. For as long as I've been out in the dating field, I've unfortunately suffered from a pathetic syndrome I like to call, "THE
I'M EVERYONE'S BEST FRIEND SYNDROME"
Dear
Red, One
word comes to mind. “HONESTY”.
With yourself and those who you are associating with. There
are 2 things you can do.
Tell these men that you do not want to hear about their exploits
with other women, or start dating their friends and give them a taste of
their own medicine. Although
I think a better choice would be disassociation.
You seem to have surrounded yourself with negative energy. Which is
no good for your self esteem. I
know you do not want to lose your friends, but for sanity sake, it might
be better to move on and create some new friendships.
This new positive environment will empower you.
The
other issue is how to stop this cycle.
Possibly experiment with dating different age groups.
A more mature relationship may create new energy and new ideas.
Something you may not have known was available might be right
around the corner. These
men will bring a different level of maturity to your relations that will
in turn make you feel more like a woman.
Your problem may lie in the fact that you are moving onto another
stage in your life. Woman hood. Leave
the boys behind, and get yourself a man. Sincerely,
Mr. Romance Dear
Mr. Romance, Dear Tyra, I
personally do not think there is just one Soul Mate per person.
Though I think in your lifetime you may only run into one or two.
The world is a big place.
But be sure not to confuse Soul Mate with Preferential Mate.
We all have our type.
What we consider to be our “Mr. or Mrs. Right.”
So at times when our “Type” walks through the door we
immediately attach “Soul Mate” to him or her. To
me a soul mate is that person with whom you have an instant rapport, a
chemistry if you will.
When you are with this person times passes quickly, and
effortlessly. You
will be able to look into each other’s eyes and communicate flawlessly
without saying a word.
Their touch will be like a lightening bolt shooting through your
veins. You
will literally forget that the rest of the world exists. I
understand your plight, I too am awaiting my one and only. I wish you the
best of luck. I wish you true love.
Sincerely,
Mr. Romance
Dear Sweet Spitfire, Although
your conspiracy theory is quite compelling, and a definite possibility,
I would think he is more scared of you than you are of him.
He might be thinking that you will repeat that Voodoo that you
do. Also,
if you want to start dating him again you will have to accept him for
exactly who he is. If you
go into this with the idea of changing him, you are setting yourself up
for failure. I think the
biggest mistake made in any relationship is the attempt to try and
change someone. Accept them
as who they are, or move on. You
can compromise on how to squeeze the toothpaste or which way you prefer
the toilet paper roll to spin, but trying to change someone’s
personality to suit your needs is a Death Sentence for any relationship.
Accept him completely and whole-heartedly, otherwise you are
wasting your own time and energy. Now
the sexual tension is a different issue. Try not to confuse sexual
energy with the sound of wedding bells.
They are two completely different emotions.
You have not seen each other in a while and that excites you.
There is nothing wrong with that.
Just understand that it is completely possible to connect
sexually with a person, and have the worst relationship on the planet.
Just ask me, I’ve done it. A
final thought: Based on the facts presented, I think what you’ve
actually got going here is one heck of a “Bootie Call”, but I would
leave it at that. Sincerely, Mr. Romance
Welcome to Tony’s monthly romance column, Dear Mr. Romance. Where Tony Ranaudo, Mr. Romance himself, will share his advice on Love and Romance. Each month he will choose the most creative letters and answer them. Tony is not a therapist or psychologist of any kind, nor does he hold a degree from any major University. Tony’s advice merely reflects his own life’s experience. Please feel free to share any thoughts you might have. Enjoy! E-Mail your Questions to: DearMrRomance@tonyranaudo.com
E-Mail your Questions to: DearMrRomance@tonyranaudo.com
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